Becoming a parent is a life-changing experience in so many different ways, an experience that is often as challenging as it is rewarding. For a person like Sohini, who needs order and structure in her life, “a big mind-shift has had to take place”.
In general, says Sohini, in our society, we have become so accustomed to the notion that if you do certain things you can expect a particular outcome or result based on your actions.
“Having a baby flips all sense of predictability on its head and forces you to become more adaptable and creative when trying to solve a problem,” says Sohini, who manages 10X’s team of dedicated employee benefit consultants.
Returning to work hasn’t been exactly what she expected it to be. She took a slightly extended maternity leave and had expected to be desperate to get back to work, to be in a working environment. She imagined she would be longing for the stimulation of adult conversation and so on.
“While that was true to a certain extent, I was surprised at how emotional I was when the time came to leave Leo. That was a really intense experience.”
Sohini says that being back at work has been great in terms of feeling exceptionally productive and useful, but she has experienced an internal tug of war between the different versions of herself “the battle between the professional part of myself and the new Mom”.
She says she is trying her best to cope with the challenge of giving 100% at home and at work, but reminding herself that she doesn’t have to be absolutely perfect at everything all the time.
“I can’t be all things to everyone, but just do the best I can and hope that is good enough.”
Sohini says she has been pleasantly surprised at how much she can cope with.
“I am amazed by what our bodies are able to cope with, the lack of sleep and all the other challenges, and still be high functioning all day. It is incredible what we can achieve when we are forced to step outside our comfort zone.”
She says the challenge of finding balance has made her appreciate all the little things in life, the smaller victories.
“Like, ‘Wow, I made it through the week!’,” she says. “I am just taking things day by day and celebrating small wins.”
It’s not been all surprise and delight, though, says Sohini. When she first returned to work, she says, she felt quite overwhelmed by it all. “But I have been surprised at what I have been able to accomplish day to day.”
She says she realises that it is a process, this business of trying to establish a new sense of normal.
“Having a child has made me focus my attention a lot more on the future, particularly his future and how I need to plan for it, how we need to prepare ourselves for whatever the future might bring. We have no idea what Leo is going to get up to in the future.”
Sohini believes it is natural for parents to want their children to have a greater quality of life than they had. “They want to create progress for the next generation.”
She says her hope is that whatever path Leo chooses in life, she will be able to support him, to provide him with the backup or lift that he needs.
“Having a child has also refocused my mind on the importance of having adequate savings, and making the best possible investment decisions about those savings.”
She realises that her money will need to be invested for a long period of time. “He is only 6 months old, we have a long way to go.”
As an expert in long-term investment planning, Sohini says she realises more than ever that “we have to be smart in our choices”.
“I have to apply everything I have learnt in this business – save enough, choose the right investment mix for your investment timeline and make sure that you don’t lose a lot of your savings to high fees – and make sure we get the maximum return for us and for him.”
Sohini adds that she hopes that Leo will learn from her and one day he will be able to apply these key lessons for himself and be financially savvy and secure.
